I’m an alpha female. Strong, smart and independent.
Why did I turn out like this? I say it’s because my Kansas, beta mother had me at 17 and married the man she had a one-night stand with.
As a teenager, I recall asking her, “Why can’t you be the mom for a change, instead of me?”
During a summer job between college semesters, I met a nice fella who had his sights set on being a doctor. Okay, a veterinarian, but in Kansas that was the same thing. <wink> On paper, we should have been a successful couple.
But 11-years and two kids into our marriage, Joe announced he wanted to explore relationships with men. We amicably dissolved our marriage almost two years later … and then he died of cancer.
Remember, I’m an alpha female. I think I survived those blows pretty successfully.
The experience motivated me to change careers from interior design to studying relationships. BECAUSE how (and why) did this man hide his interest in men from me for all those years? And was it authentic? I became a certified relationship coach.
In 2009, I started dating my current husband, a beta male. He was the product of a nasty divorce with 3 kids stuck in the middle of the mess. On paper, we were doomed to fail.
Something had shifted for me. I chose Joe with my brain. My heart chose Thomas, despite the protest from my brain. While that’s romantic and all, little did I know we were about to embark on a tumultuous journey.
Thomas and I were gifted with deep love and attraction but really struggled with some of the basics in life like jobs, money and adulting.
It wasn’t until 2012, when I was introduced to the concept of masculine and feminine essence (or energies), did we begin to get some insight into what was tripping us up. Essentially, my alpha energy was interfering with his biological programming as a man. I ALWAYS ran the show. Made the decisions. Wore the pants. You get the idea.
For the next five years I read books, attended workshops and participated in retreats … WHILE observing my female clients in their relationships.
What I witnessed, along with many other female leaders in my industry was that women were doing it all wrong … not by any fault of their own. We are all products of the feminist movement.
In school, we aren’t taught how to be in relationship and we certainly aren’t taught the differences between men and women … except from the perspective of reproduction.
What our society has evolved into is a bunch of women acting like men and mostly unintentionally pushing men out of the picture. We’ve become so strong and independent that we’ve demonstrated, and in some cases declared, that men aren’t needed.
In my own marriage, as I’ve gone through many a trial and error, we have now reached a place where the masculine/feminine scales feel balanced. We know this because there is considerably less conflict and feelings of misalignment. I’ve become very aware of what the alpha sensations feel like in my body and I consciously choose to express them in a way that supports my husband … and our two teenage sons.
It has become my passion and purpose to share this awareness with other women who might not be fully present to why discord exists between themselves and the men in their lives. With the feminist marches and the imbalanced #metoo movement, it is hard to hear our divine intuition whispering what is right and what is true for men and women in the 21st century.
In our souls, we know that women need men and women need one another, but most importantly, a woman thrives when she is connected to her divine self.
My intention with Decidedly Divine is to expand our love and awareness through fun activities and deep, connecting conversations. The hope is that our collaboration will positively influence relationships between men and women because I believe couples are the foundation of humanity, giving rise to larger and healthier structures of family, community and society.