Alpha Female / Beta Male

After taking the alpha/beta personality questionnaire by psychotherapist Dr. Sonya Rhodes, author of The Alpha Woman Meets Her Match, I learned that I have high alpha/mid beta qualities.

This means I am “dominant in most relationships but have the capacity to collaborate and compromise.” However, I must be mindful “to not impose my strong will and overpower people.” The book also says I will match up well with a partner who has a strong mid-to high beta profile who will allow my alpha to lead. This man will be more laid-back than me and will help take the edge off when necessary.

Thomas is just that (after doing the questionnaire) … mid alpha/high beta. His profile says he is a good mixture of alpha and beta. “You probably get along well with everyone and are well liked. You are confident without being overbearing. As a cooperative person, you may prefer letting your partner take the lead – but you are not a pushover.”


Here, in the 21st century, alpha females are substantial in the population and more males identify as beta. This is not a bad thing. The balance, when maintained, is quite lovely.

Early in my relationship with Thomas, I did exactly what I wasn’t supposed to do. With my strong will, I wore the pants in our family … because it was what I did in my first marriage. Until 2012, when I was introduced to divine femininity, I didn’t know any better. Being born out of the feminist movement, most women my age charge through life in this manner.

In my mind, my smarts and natural leadership qualities made it seem obvious for me to drive the ship. What I wasn’t privy to was how this way of being was emasculating the men in my primary relationships. Oops.

Thankfully, there are excellent resources to guide us in maintaining our strength while being feminine at the same time. This is what men want – a queen who will sit next to him, as king, at the throne. Alison A. Armstrong, author of The Queen’s Code, is one such advocate for men.

Another teacher on the topic is author Suzanne Venker, with her most recent book, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage. Her tools for marriage are based in common sense and easy to follow.

As a wife and mother of two boys, my gratitude overflows for these women who use their voice of wisdom in the world. Our country is experiencing turbulence in the relationship between men and women. As I shared, I didn’t know what I didn’t know and suspect it’s the case for many women with alpha tendencies.

Since learning new tools and practicing feminine ways of being with my husband, it has been incredible to witness his expansion as a male human. When I got out of his way, he became more … of a suitable man, for lack of better terminology. Thomas was always proper, but an underlying current of frustration also existed. He couldn’t explain the tension and I called it anger.

When I took responsibility for my part in the cause of that tension, he had room to show up. Now, when I feel that friction in our couple, I use my smart, alpha female brain to notice where I’m exuding too much masculine and back off.

Awareness is a beautiful thing.

It’s Never Too Late To Love

For numerous reasons, like so many of us, I love Brené Brown’s work. Her latest book, Braving The Wilderness, really knocked it out of the park! Chapter four is titled “People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.” YES!

While she doesn’t specifically address it, the topic of parental alienation came up for me during the explanation of dehumanization. For almost a decade, I have witnessed the gaping distance between my beloved and his biological children. Before I even entered the picture, their relationship was on shaky ground. With the three kiddos all under the age of ten when the divorced happened, it is safe to assume who was influencing the negative view they had of their father.

Brené writes, “the term ‘emotional safety’ is often used to mean I don’t have to listen to any point of view that’s different from mine, that I don’t like, that I think is wrong, that will hurt my feelings, or that is not up to my standards of political correctness.” After she dug deeper, her discovery was people were using dehumanizing language and behavior to establish their boundaries.

Michelle Maiese, the chair of the philosophy department at Emmanuel College, defines dehumanization as “the psychological process of demonizing the enemy, making them seem less than human and hence not worthy of humane treatment.” It starts with creating an enemy image. “As we take sides, lose trust, and get angrier and angrier, we not only solidify an idea of our enemy, but also start to lose our ability to listen, communicate, and practice even a modicum of empathy.”

Within months of the start of us dating, I became the enemy and was labeled “dangerous” to his children. It was so unbelievable because his ex-wife had NEVER met me. She would declare that anyone dating the likes of me certainly did not care about the well-being of his children. That was that and she refused to listen.

For years, I tried to be a good woman/mom in the eyes of the eight-year old boy who spent a few hours a month with our family. Walking on eggshells was useless because even one misstep made it back to his home in the form of an exaggerated story of pain and drama. My lovely beau was so torn up from this distorted rigidity. He loved me, he loved his children and they were demanding he make a choice. One or the other. Right or wrong.

From the stories I’ve read about parental alienation, disgruntled divorced parents do this quite frequently. For us, it started with the girlfriend invading their territory and has now evolved into a complete and total blackout mode against their father. The heartbroken man in my home has not spoken to his son in over a year or his daughters in almost three.

This is all so wrong. However, to read the book and having their behavior be explained was helpful in wrapping our minds around the how. Of course, the pain is not less. These children were robbed of a loving father. Their perception of him has been tainted by untruths rooted in fear.

If only their mother had chosen the path of courage. It would have been more difficult to hate us and their world would have forever been different.





Finally, it’s official! I’ve taken Thomas’ last name. We were married two years ago on August 29 and I didn’t ever intend to take his last name. Mackey is my first husband’s surname and keeping it for our two boys simplifies things.

Over the last two years, I’ve observed Thomas introduce me as his wife, Stacy Mackey. “But she won’t take my last name.” Naturally, we all politely laugh in response. It wasn’t until this year that I really took a look at the concept of a wife taking her husband’s last name.

Around the 15th century, women in England began taking their husband’s last name after marriage to symbolize that the union created “a single person, because they are one flesh and one blood,” according to English jurist Henry de Bracton. This tradition came to America with the Pilgrims.

After my first marriage, there was no question about taking his last name because it was a time-honored custom … especially for Kansas Lutherans. Now that I am older and less inclined to follow tradition, it was just easier to keep the Mackey name after marrying again. The fact that I even decided to legally tie the knot appeared more than enough!

In the last two years, my professional path has taken me into the subject of men and the desire to understand them, especially in the context of a couple. For years, Thomas made passive comments about us getting married. My response was always, “Why do we need a piece of paper from the State to affirm our love?” He would shrug and agree it wasn’t necessary, yet I could sense there was something else.

In my exploration, I got clear about the biological need for a man to have a partner to protect and provide for. It fulfills his purpose. The history of a wife goes back to the times when a woman became the property of her husband after marriage. Now, this isn’t to fire up the feminists, but rather feel into the essence of the concept. Property is a thing belonging to someone. To belong is to be in the hands of. To put an enlightened spin on this, a woman steps into the embrace (literally and energetically) of a man when she becomes his wife. By not agreeing to be this man’s wife, I was essentially preventing him from his masculine purpose.

The subconscious inclination to rebel and stay an independent female carried on into the name change conversation. “A name is a name. It means nothing. What difference does it make if I’m Mackey or Valdez or whatever?” Thomas would shrug with resignation and agree. Again, referring back to my new knowledge about men, I knew my happiness was his priority and if me keeping Mackey made me happy, he wouldn’t push the issue. However, though he couldn’t articulate it, I could sense something … especially in the introductions to his friends and colleagues.

In 2009, Steve Harvey published a book called, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. In it, he talks about the three P’s of how men demonstrate their love. Above, I addressed the acts of protect and provide. The third is to profess. A man that loves you will profess his affection for you everywhere he goes and in the way he treats you in the presence of others. It occurred to me that of course my husband would want me to have his last name, perhaps as a symbol of achievement. A gorilla pounding his chest comes to my mind. It’s like Thomas is proudly announcing his success at being a man in partnership. “I provide for this woman and protect her. As an acknowledgement of my commitment, she has honored me by taking my name.”

Before going through the numerous steps of the name change, I confided in a friend the hesitancy I had about it. Her response was, “Imagine the security you’re offering him with this gift.” Both Thomas and I were married once before and left by our spouses. I acknowledged my fear (What if we don’t last?) in taking his name, as well as the courage to take the action. Happy 2nd Anniversary, dear husband. xoxo

Love On Demand

My husband and I are launching into year number nine together. The last eight have been quite a radical ride, yet one thing was always constant and certain between us … our love for each other.

It was a strong, romantic love. So many times I would simply conjure him up in my mind and my heart would swell. The description of how he made me feel included words like twitterpated and head over heels. Though it never actually happened, there were surely moments I was close to swooning over this man.

Like so many couples in love, on the journey of life, we experienced milestones. Just over a year ago, my love closed his doors as an entrepreneur and landed a secure, steady paying job that brings him joy. Nine months after that we bought our first home together. And four months later, we had a baby. Okay, not a human baby, we got a puppy. The gist is the same. It was fun to move through the traditional couple life events together. We felt we had worked hard to earn those privileges.

Behind the scenes, unbeknownst to me, something else was happening. That hot burning love for my man was cooling down. There was absolute certainty that I continued to love him, however it just felt different. It could be likened to the deep roots of an old tree leaving me feeling safe and secure. There is nothing wrong with that, right?

Well, we found ourselves being less physically attached to each other. The need to impress and flirt left our couple. And me, being the analytical woman I am, observed this and declared it a problem. I went to the relationship education files of my brain and the books on my shelves to find a solution. The standard marriage tips and techniques were revealed to me. Go on dates. Devote more time to each other. Kiss and hug more frequently. Yadda yadda. I already knew this and had been trying to implement the new practices.

The fire wasn’t increasing and that was frustrating. I wanted what we had … to instantly feel turned on and attracted to him. My body and soul created the pitter-patter in my heart. Being a little bit freaked out, I exclaimed to myself, “Oh my gosh! Have I fallen out of love with my husband?”

No. My higher self had been whispering the answer to me for weeks and I ignored Her. “Love is a choice.” Even as I randomly perused articles and watched videos, a phrase presented itself on numerous occasions that I refused to acknowledge. “Choose your spouse daily.” Wake up everyday and make the conscious decision to love him. Wow! I’ve heard this for decades from wives with married time under their belts. Cognitively, I understood the notion. Today, I feel it in my cells.

This is the season we are currently in. I can resist it or accept, plain and simple. For a brief time, I granted myself the opportunity to mourn what we had. While processing, I acknowledged the necessity of that easily accessed insta-love. It was the fuel that moved us through the obstacles and challenges of our early days.

New season. New chapter. Here we are. We are being called to another way of being with each other, one that requires intention and consistency. Nothing is wrong and nothing is broken. It appears, in this new day and age, folks have forgotten how to work for their rewards. I’ll admit that for a minute I considered shopping for a new model. Who doesn’t love new and distinct? <scratching record sound>

WHATEVER! I totally dig this guy! We have a good life! Through appreciation of him and us, I was able to pull those tiny weeds of fear from our garden … and CHOSE to summon those warm fuzzies back into my heart. Like the button on the TV remote, what a gift to have access to instant feelings of love!

Just Another Sunday in June

Another Father’s Day came and went in our household.

For my boys, their bio dad has been gone nine years. Cancer took him when they were only four and six-years old. Mostly, it’s another Sunday in June for them. Sure, we celebrate my husband, however the day tends to carry an emotional heaviness with it. Not because of the deceased father, but because of the sad heart belonging to their stepdad.

For my husband, a biological father of three, the third Sunday in June is a painful day and has been for over a decade. His first wife divorced him in 2006, hence the beginning of the demise of the relationship with his children. It was a slow deterioration, like cancer. In the early years co-parenting was a mutually shared intention. In 2008 when he was ready to start dating, my beloved discovered there were repercussions for following his heart.

Original parenting agreements were no longer convenient for his ex-wife. Her attorney was brought back to the scene, along with visits to the county judge to modify various orders. One such court appearance involved the new female dating interest. It seemed the mother of these three children wanted to sabotage the budding relationship. Of course, it can’t be proven. That particular girlfriend was not able to withstand the stress and ended the relationship.

In 2009, I came along, innocently enough, not knowing what awaited me if I chose to stay with this man. Our connection was healing on so many levels and the adoration was mutual. Three months in, his ex-wife began to meddle. The two daughters refused to engage with their father unless he met their demands. The young son reluctantly participated in weekend visits with us. The experience was strange for me because he was close in age to my boys and I believed we could all joyfully share life’s adventure. The son’s mother vehemently disagreed when she got a judge to order the father’s parenting time be without his girlfriend. Me.

For the next five years, I found myself in court a few times. Had a protection from stalking (his kids) order against me. Was repeatedly harassed and bullied by my boyfriend’s ex-wife. It was brutal, yet I persevered. We learned to fight back when necessary and when to back down to avoid drama. It was tough! Tough on us individually and tough on our couple. We refused to give her the satisfaction of breaking up … because it really did feel that was her goal.

In 2012, the term parental alienation crossed our path. It is the process of psychological manipulation of a child resulting in displaying unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent or other family members. What a miserable blessing to discover a label for our horrid experiences.

It is an awful practice, one that requires more awareness for prevention. We express gratitude to men like Ryan Thomas, a child of parental alienation who reunited after decades apart, who shines a light on the subject. And, thankfully, there are women with voices who stand for men. Author, Suzanne Venker, says things about men, marriage, work & family that run counter to what the culture teaches. Her article, “It’s Fatherlessness Day again. What will we do about it?” truly sums up the damage caused by mothers who chose to behave in distorted ways.

“Father absence is an epidemic in the U.S., with over 24 million children now living in fatherless homes. Roughly 1.5 million children experience divorce annually in the U.S. alone, with 30% of kids losing touch with one of their parents—typically the father—within two years.”

Your first thought might be to blame these “deadbeat dads” for leaving. I’m here to ask you to consider another perspective. The Dalai Lama said it best, “The world will be saved by the western woman.” Let’s do our part to revive Father’s Day, as well.

There’s Only One Reason to Be in Relationship

This article was originally published on

There’s only one reason to be in relationship. That’s right… one. So let’s give it all we’ve got.

As an advocate for couples, I must share that in my own relationship, I bump up against obstacles and question our purpose together.

This recently happened on a day that had started out feeling incredibly crunchy.

One of our kiddos almost missed the school bus—and meanwhile, my beloved and I were in the midst of heated disagreement.

As soon as everyone got out of the house and on with their day, I declared out loud with exasperation, to no one in particular, “What’s the point of being in a relationship?”

With no resolution about finding an answer, I turned my attention to my own tasks at hand.

Later, when out and about, I found myself craving a trip to Starbucks. I typically go inside the café to order, but on this particular day, I felt compelled to use the drive-thru instead.

I placed my order, patiently waiting to receive my caffeinated treat.

Little did I know that I would be receiving more than just a drink—the woman in front of me had paid for my order!

The news struck me like a tidal wave—I was speechless.

The only language I managed to stammer to the barista was, “Wow! No way! Thanks.” And underneath my few words, another tidal wave was approaching, in the form of emotions.

Driving away from that window couldn’t happen fast enough. Just seconds after leaving, a sob escaped me and then the waterworks began.

I know—this isn’t the usual response to someone paying kindness forward. But for me, this had been the message I was waiting for—the answer to my earlier question had come to me, courtesy of the Universe, in the form of a Starbucks gift that I was required to receive.

Because really: who would drive up and decline the generous offer?

Through my tears, I saw everything. I recognized my resistance to receiving; I saw that what my beloved desires is my own happiness—and I remembered that my children give me purpose.

Every moment of every day, opportunities to be loved are presented—how many of these are missed? How blocked have I been?

This is the true purpose for being in relationship: to receive love—to have a front-row seat to live and learn the art of giving and allowing love.

When we stay out of relationships, the illusion is that we’re safe and protected inside our self-created bubble. Within the boundaries we have set, people are kept at a distance.

Based on our past experiences, the misconception is that hurt comes from the other person in a relationship.

The truth, however, is that the pain was sourced from within.

Humanity is so stuck in the belief that people and things outside themselves are the bearers of love. But could it be that love is always flowing in—and around—us? It’s the degree to which we allow this love in that determines our meter reading. Or is it that we are love?

Love is an essence; it is an expression, an energy and it goes by many names and descriptions.

We are all born as loving and light beings—the source of life itself is love.

God is love; the Universe is love.

As we grow older and become exposed to circumstances, environments and teachings, our own perception of love develops. Love becomes associated and entwined with pain and loss.

For some, love comes with consequences.

When life becomes an act of survival, love falls into that same cycle. Since love is the source of pain (we tell ourselves), could it be that its absence brings about survival? But what if simply allowing love in could eliminate the perpetual fight—flight and freeze—that consumes us?

The solution?

Be in relationship. Spend crazy amounts of time with someone. Live with them. Eat and play together. Share the air.

After receiving my proverbial smack up-side the head from the Universe via the Starbucks drive-thru, I saw through new eyes. Making dinner for my family was a gift to their health and their enjoyment of the meal was an act of receiving my love.

Lying in bed, spoon position, next to my husband was shared love—I get this every single night of my life if I choose it.

His warmth and skin are love. Our cozy bed. Our home. The cat at our feet. The mountains outside our window. The little blue planet on which we reside.

It’s all there, sourced by love.

Why else would we be here? What’s the point?

So, why are you blocking it? Why do you spend your days avoiding being loved? Why do you spend your nights scrutinizing the one who promised to love you?

Think about it.

People aren’t naturally malicious—no one is out to get you. Could it be that he made that stupid remark because he, too, has prevented himself from receiving love?

My favorite is “I don’t need love from another because I have self-love.”

My response is “Awesome! Why are you being stingy with it and not teaching others through demonstration?”

It’s all about perception; it’s about taking the opportunity to change your lenses.

My kiddo almost missed the bus because he was experiencing joy in his electronic game and his time in the shower. Who doesn’t love a warm shower first thing in the morning?

My beloved and I were in a quarrel because we had overlooked loving each other and stayed stuck in survival mode, defending our stances.

Lame—pointless, too, if you really think about it.

There is simply no good that comes from fiercely defending yourself in a futile disagreement. So, I may not agree with his opinion at times—but it doesn’t mean I can’t love him.

I can love me for my opinion and him for his.

Love is movement and flow; it is our life source—no need to survive anything.

It’s time to live with love.

Men Have Big Hearts

The ManKind Project first showed up on my radar in 2013 when I was searching for a men’s group dedicated to expanding enlightenment within their community. As a woman committed to her own personal growth and has been since 1997, I wanted to help my husband find a tribe for himself.

Much of my transformation occurred in a space devoted to and held by women. After reading The Queen’s Code by Alison Armstrong last year, it was revealed to me that I was expecting my husband to try on and practice the learning I brought home. It was an innocent, yet damaging mistake to require my husband to behave like a woman. In my mind, what I was learning was good for any human being, regardless of sex. What a revelation to really get that men and women are different for so many more reasons than simply our body parts!

It was in April 2017 that my dear Thomas put himself in the New Warrior Training Adventure with the local ManKind Project. Their purpose with this flagship program is to help men show up and live in extraordinary ways. They have set out to prove that emotionally mature, powerful, compassionate and purpose driven men can heal some of our society’s deepest wounds. “Men are hungry to make a difference. Their brilliance is often buried under years of harmful beliefs and behaviors that get in the way of them showing up with integrity, compassion, and authenticity.”

What an exciting day it was to welcome this transformed man home on Sunday evening after his NWTA weekend. He carried himself with a calm certainty about who he was as a man among men. It was incredible to be a woman in that space! It felt right.

Of course, as we got settled back into our routine, that brilliance became smudged by the classic stresses that accompany work and home life. I found myself being cynical and declaring the program hadn’t worked. Which, of course, sent Thomas to a dark place of frustration and shame. My negativity propelled him right back to a place of unworthiness and being less than. Fear is so destructive.

Fortunately, my period of obstinance was short-lived and skills of grace and compassion were reactivated. I could remember learning takes time and space to firmly root the new ways of being. As the feminine presence in our marriage, it was my duty to energetically create the environment for my male counterpart to expand into his authentic self that emerged after having sloughed off 48-years of old, ineffective male programming.

Like women in their own tribes, these men stay connected long term in their communities to remain empowered in their mission and continue developing leadership mastery. What a blessing to have these big-hearted warriors in our lives to practice emotional authenticity and personal responsibility! And what an even bigger gift for our society to have access to people, programs and communities dedicated to ending the longest running war in history. Harmony shall be restored between the sexes.



It has been about four weeks since Valentine’s Day … the day of love. My darling husband totally earned a gold star on that day for his efforts! I will reveal that this year, of the previous seven Valentine’s Days we’ve celebrated together, was the best one yet! I was left giddy by his thoughtfulness.

Today, on my desk, was an envelope (obviously a greeting card) addressed to My Love. The message printed inside the card read, “Each day I love you more.” Of course, this dear man included a handwritten, mushy message for me. One line that stuck out was, “a wonderful sense of calm.” I couldn’t agree more.

We have worked so hard to reach this place of serenity. You see, this is a second marriage for both of us and the statistics are not in our favor with 67% of all second marriages in 2012 ending in divorce.

Way back when, I recall us saying to each other that this was it. If our couple didn’t succeed, we would throw in the towel. Quit the game of relationships. Our hearts were broken the first time around and to endure that trauma again was to be avoided at all costs. Certainly, the two of us have gone through some really tough times and tried to quit each other, but in the end stayed true to our declaration to couplehood.

Comparing relationships to gardens is my thing and having tended to our garden for the last seven and half years, I have witnessed the increase of joy and pleasure in our entire family. Did you know a standard apple tree does not produce fruit until it is between 6 and 10 years of age? Imagine watching that little seedling over the seasons! Year after year of watering, fertilizing and pruning … only to end the day with no fruit harvest. You’ve dreamed of homemade apple pies and have such a desire to create them from the apples of your very own tree. In today’s world, when you can simply purchase a pie at the store, what’s the point?

It’s true what they say about happiness being cultivated through your own efforts. Master gardeners teach that providing proper care for your apple tree will contribute to its vigorous growth and timely fruiting … year after year. Awesome! The time and effort that was put toward our relationship is now paying off. The tree has blossoms on it for the first time. What an amazing journey we have been on! Together, we are masters of our marriage and have learned how to properly care for our couple. We can only imagine what the “vigorous growth” will look like because the peace and love we feel in our home is deeply rooted. From now until the very end, we have our couple to harvest from. Spring is two weeks away and I can feel in my soul that beautiful, juicy fruit is in store for us by summer’s end.

Back in Business

Well, that didn’t take long! Last summer, when I decided to indefinitely pull the plug on my business, there was fear around when or if this chapter of my life would reopen. Now, I am tickled to announce, “I’M BAAACK!”

You can’t ignore invitations from the Universe, especially ones that are so blatant. Admittedly, I’m a thickheaded one who often requires the proverbial bat upside the noggin in order to get a message. Proudly though, this time around, I was open and willing to see the opportunities, as well as feel the readiness within me.

The fact remains, I love couples. I love being in my couple and very much desire to have everyone else experience the fullness and joy that comes with sharing life with your best friend. It’s true what they say about it not being an easy path, especially in today’s culture. We are an instant gratification society with everything available at our fingertips. When we don’t immediately get what’s desired, the reaction is to look elsewhere. It is sad to witness tender, young relationships end because one of the partners wasn’t satisfied and chose to seek out someone who could produce the “right” results.

The best comparison is that of a seed planted in soil. When you meet that potential, special someone, it is the beginning of something. With appropriate care and attention, that tiny seed has the ability to flourish into something extraordinary. Everyone knows this doesn’t happen over night. Many seedlings do not reveal themselves above the soil for at least two weeks. I know some women who can’t date a man that long before it ends. One of the two of them has outrageous expectations and a very limited timeline.

Along the path of the seedling, it goes through phases comparable to a relationship. Some folks make it past the sprouting phase then lose site of the need to nourish the young plant. They look to the other person to make the relationship thrive. It is so vital to look at the relationships as a separate entity … a third party distinct from the two individuals who occupy the space.My passion for relationship educations goes deep, as does the desire to get it to the masses. It is only fitting that I am the co-founder/owner of The Radical Love Summit. This is the project that called me back into the game after taking my hiatus. The summit’s mission is to revolutionize the way people experience love and relationships. Early in 2016, I found myself discouraged at the number of relationship, love and intimacy coaches who were popping up in the professional arena. “How can I ever find a client when competing with these people?” Then it came to me (with the help of a coach) that we aren’t in competition … we are all needed! So many industry professionals is required to help move humanity out of complacency around couples and into a confidence. It is also appropriate that we gather as many coaches/teachers/guides as possible into one weekend as a service for our community. What a blessing to be a relationship coach in 2017 and beyond!


Since when did people become such quitters? Is your job feeling uncomfortable? Quit. Is your spouse not meeting your expectations? Divorce. Does that one friend continue to irritate you? Release her. Life is too short to be so inconvenienced, right?

I call bullshit.

It seems to be the trend in the 21st century. The spiritual community has the prettiest wording for it, suggesting you release what no longer serves you. Okay, I get there are situations where this is valid, however I feel it’s too often taken out of context … a reaction versus a response. I do it all the time! Someone at work made me feel uncomfortable and my first thought is, “I deserve better than this. I’m outta here!” I’ve watched clients dump men they were seeing because he stirred her emotional pot. When did we become so soft?

Some folks say all the technological advances are to blame and we’ve turned into an instant gratification society. I can subscribe to that. Craving a burger? Turn left into the drive-thru of a fast food joint. Feeling lonely? Hop onto any social media website and be instantly “connected” to someone.

However, these reactions are so knee-jerk and lack intention. It’s sad to witness, even in myself. It takes something to really be aware of yourself and others. You might say it’s like a new kind of existence. The type of reality in previous centuries was dedicated to surviving. Our predecessors planted fields and tended to livestock for nourishment. They built their owns shelters to be protected from the elements. In the little time that remained in the day, connection with family occurred. Today, our food is delivered to the door of the home we signed a piece of paper for. So much more time available to connect with people, yet we don’t.

Why? I say it’s because we weren’t taught how. It seems connection between us is no longer for the purpose of preserving our existence. Or is it? Instead of the intention for procreation, relationship may very well be required for conservation. To nurture all that is grand and glorious on our planet. We created this amazing way of life that immediately provides for our needs and now is the time to slow down, in the same way you would after planting a seed. Give it time to germinate and sprout. What might be cultivated from our thoughtful responses?

Time. That seems to be what’s being neglected. Ha! I sound like an older generation person. “I remember when …” Time to think. Time to feel. Time to process. Time to allow humans to be. I’ve noticed that when I allow the inclination to quit to have its time in my space, the urgency dissipates. Glad I didn’t crumble under the discomfort. It’s not even that the next day was better, but rather the next moment was. Our life has sped up into small increments, requiring us to strengthen the muscles of our brains in a new way; to be more conscious and intentional. Expanded awareness.

The next time you feel that pressure to run, hide or quit, go to the tool shed in your mind and grab a shovel. Start digging into yourself and see what you find beneath the surface. What got triggered that had you react so quickly? Take time. Look at what was uncovered. Accept it. Love it. Clean it up. Tidy up the hole you dug because the seeds nearby want to sprout into something beautiful. You quitting is only hurting yourself.

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