My husband and I are launching into year number nine together. The last eight have been quite a radical ride, yet one thing was always constant and certain between us … our love for each other.
It was a strong, romantic love. So many times I would simply conjure him up in my mind and my heart would swell. The description of how he made me feel included words like twitterpated and head over heels. Though it never actually happened, there were surely moments I was close to swooning over this man.
Like so many couples in love, on the journey of life, we experienced milestones. Just over a year ago, my love closed his doors as an entrepreneur and landed a secure, steady paying job that brings him joy. Nine months after that we bought our first home together. And four months later, we had a baby. Okay, not a human baby, we got a puppy. The gist is the same. It was fun to move through the traditional couple life events together. We felt we had worked hard to earn those privileges.
Behind the scenes, unbeknownst to me, something else was happening. That hot burning love for my man was cooling down. There was absolute certainty that I continued to love him, however it just felt different. It could be likened to the deep roots of an old tree leaving me feeling safe and secure. There is nothing wrong with that, right?
Well, we found ourselves being less physically attached to each other. The need to impress and flirt left our couple. And me, being the analytical woman I am, observed this and declared it a problem. I went to the relationship education files of my brain and the books on my shelves to find a solution. The standard marriage tips and techniques were revealed to me. Go on dates. Devote more time to each other. Kiss and hug more frequently. Yadda yadda. I already knew this and had been trying to implement the new practices.
The fire wasn’t increasing and that was frustrating. I wanted what we had … to instantly feel turned on and attracted to him. My body and soul created the pitter-patter in my heart. Being a little bit freaked out, I exclaimed to myself, “Oh my gosh! Have I fallen out of love with my husband?”
No. My higher self had been whispering the answer to me for weeks and I ignored Her. “Love is a choice.” Even as I randomly perused articles and watched videos, a phrase presented itself on numerous occasions that I refused to acknowledge. “Choose your spouse daily.” Wake up everyday and make the conscious decision to love him. Wow! I’ve heard this for decades from wives with married time under their belts. Cognitively, I understood the notion. Today, I feel it in my cells.
This is the season we are currently in. I can resist it or accept, plain and simple. For a brief time, I granted myself the opportunity to mourn what we had. While processing, I acknowledged the necessity of that easily accessed insta-love. It was the fuel that moved us through the obstacles and challenges of our early days.
New season. New chapter. Here we are. We are being called to another way of being with each other, one that requires intention and consistency. Nothing is wrong and nothing is broken. It appears, in this new day and age, folks have forgotten how to work for their rewards. I’ll admit that for a minute I considered shopping for a new model. Who doesn’t love new and distinct? <scratching record sound>
WHATEVER! I totally dig this guy! We have a good life! Through appreciation of him and us, I was able to pull those tiny weeds of fear from our garden … and CHOSE to summon those warm fuzzies back into my heart. Like the button on the TV remote, what a gift to have access to instant feelings of love!