2018, October

Getting Back on Track

“Just dust yourself off and get back on the track. Each new part of the journey holds its own beauty.” ~unknown

Never quit. * If you stumble, get back up. * What happened yesterday no longer matters. * Today’s another day. * Get back on track and move closer to your dreams and goals. * You can do it.

Okay! Now that my head is mostly on straight, at least for the time being, let’s do this!

Early in 2018 I “quit” being a feminine relationship coach for a variety of reasons. Mainly, there were no paying clients and it felt as if all efforts ended at a dead end. Obviously, there was a misalignment and I determined being married to a man with ADD was preventing me from really understanding women who were in relationship with neurotypical men.

Throughout the summer, I worked with my husband in his landscaping business. It was fine … but not really. It was as if I had developed amnesia for how to access my highest self, embodying the divine feminine. I chalked the increasing irritability up to hormones.

At the start of autumn, I was so uncomfortable with my existence that I quit working for my husband and took on the job of scrutinizing, unhappy wife. I denied the misery, of course, when he pointed it out. The kids were back in school and I found myself sitting at home practically pacing the floors because you can only do so much laundry and cleaning during the day. I was convinced this was the next level of growing older.

The tension between my beloved man and me caused a considerable disconnect. We managed to sabotage every Saturday for six consecutive weeks! Again, I looked in the wrong place for the source of the pain and blamed Thomas’ ADD. Surely the stress of his business was affecting his brain and therefore disrupting our marriage. My solution was to join an online support group for wives of husbands with ADD/ADHD.

It was captivating, in the beginning, to examine posts from women about their lives at home. So many were suffering and I felt compelled to share tools I had discovered over the years that helped in certain situations. Of course, we are on different places along the path, yet much of what I shared seemed applicable for any wife.

Apparently my contributions caught the attention of the group owner and she made me an administrator. The acknowledgment was an honor yet the minimal receptivity by the members was disheartening. Bravely, I continued to post ideas that encouraged new ways of thinking. Some of these women did not take kindly to having their minds stretched and did not hesitate to express it. This was my first experience with cyberbullying. Generally, my skin is thicker, but with everything else seemingly tanking in my life, I couldn’t face this, too. I left the group.

At some point during that little jaunt, I thought the misalignment as a coach might be whom I chose as my target market. Rather than just general women in relationship with men, perhaps it was more specifically women in relationship with men who have ADD/ADHD? Yet, with the way I was rejected, that consideration was short-lived.

Though my higher self often, quietly suggested those weren’t my people, it took a few friends making the same comments for me to hear it. Yes! What if my posts resonated for some of the group members but they chose not to publicly express it? Honestly, they were smart to stay quiet and hidden from the cyberbullies. It was at that moment I turned to face a truth. My purpose.

With additional guidance from loved ones, I removed the self-positioned wool from my eyes and saw the hard work I put in, along with the positivity that resulted from it over the last seven years. A few tweaks and the willingness to investigate got me back on track. What a relief it has been to realize I hadn’t wandered too far off. Since exhaling, I’ve returned to my husband (energetically and literally), my purpose … and myself.

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