Eudora Welty, an American short story writer and novelist, said “People give pain, are callous and insensitive, empty and cruel … but place heals the hurt, soothes the outrage, fills the terrible vacuum that these human beings make.”
My initial reaction was to envision a physical space like my home followed by a location like the mountains or ocean. Certainly, those places can heal the hurt. But when I get truly in touch with my heart, I know the most healing place for me is, and has been, in the arms of my husband.
For some, that may sound corny or too dependent, yet for me it’s truth. Much of the personal growth teaching for women these days encourages self healing before she can thrive in a solid relationship with a man. Absolutely, alignment with self is imperative, however I believe a woman can achieve that WHILE being in relationship.
When I first met Thomas, I had just come out of a marriage where my husband announced he was gay after two children and13 years together. Two years after that revelation, he died from cancer. My experience of Thomas is that he is a man of love. He oozes kindness, affection and adoration. Anyone in his life is fortunate to be cloaked in this man’s loving presence.
In our early years, his amorous way of being was a novelty. It was delightful to experience this new way of connecting. You see I grew up in rural Kansas with a family of German decent. We did not practice physical displays of affection, let alone express it verbally. My parents never told me they loved me. My first husband and I expressed our love, and I know I felt affinity for him but with this new man, the sensations reached me at a cellular level.
Despite the passionate bonding, Thomas and I endured more than our fair share of hardships. He had his own past filled with callous and insensitive people. Losing his children in a nasty divorce from his first wife was traumatic at the deepest levels. Together, we were a hot mess of painful wounds that required healing. Most advice in the relationship arena would have been for us to heal separately. We disagree. Waging the storms together, even the ones aimed at each other, quickened the process. Exponential recovery is what we experienced.
Today, I am at my most feminine while my husband has reached a new level in his divine masculine. Certainly, we’ve had guidance from books, healers and specialists. We both agree this expansion would not have been possible without each other. As a relationship coach, I see too many folks choosing to stay single with a declaration to heal BEFORE moving into a serious relationship. I often want to cry out how it’s impossible to get to that place alone. Mending solo, inside the vacuum, will only go so far.
With over half the US population choosing to stay single, my heart aches for the ones missing out on the magnificence when sharing life with a primary partner. Every night I fall asleep in the arms of safety. Every morning I am greeted with comforting kisses that act as a shield against what life has in store for me that day. My marriage is my place of refuge and revitalization … and for that I am grateful.