So far, this year has been a bumpy one. Good intentions were set in the beginning, yet by forces unseen, the path veered in a different direction. Isn’t that how relationships go sometimes? We aspire for success but life has a different agenda. By summer’s end I decided to stop the battle and step away because I was tired and no one was winning.
By now, are you wondering with whom I had this experience? It wasn’t necessarily with a person, though it felt like it. I went on sabbatical from my business as a relationship coach. Everyone and everything was triggering irritation and intolerance. Not good qualities for someone in my profession!
Another tidbit you don’t know is that I’ve been on a journey with doctors for my hormones for the last year and a half. The symptoms started out subtle and I assumed less stress and more sleep would cure them. No such luck. My body ached and I required a nap most days. Attempts at exercise were futile and eating healthy with zero appetite was not an option. Something was wrong and all I got from the gynecologist were prescription offerings for birth control and Prozac. Grrrr!
Early in the spring, a bug was put in my ear about low vitamin D. After the levels were tested, they proved to be significantly low, prompting the start of supplements. Physical changes in a positive direction began and it finally felt I was on my way out of the dark woods. Or was I?
At the start of summer, a dear girl friend dumped me over my behavior toward her. She called it rude and appalling and I called it straight talk. I justified my position with a classic phrase from the conscious community, “She’s unwilling to expand her frequency to accommodate the growth of our friendship.” Yep, I did that.
My higher self whispered that perhaps I was being rigid and I basically told Her where to shove it. I was one grumpy woman … and when it wasn’t someone else’s fault, I was berating myself for being such a loser. Fellow coaches pointed out my mindset and I argued it was just fine. Other friends played the frequency card on me and I privately rolled my eyes. By this time, I was unsubscribing from all conversations around consciousness and spirituality. It all occurred as a load of crap and I could not, with integrity, talk that talk with clients.
And my family … bless my beautiful family. My husband and boys hunkered down and endured these dark storms being sourced from the once anchoring bright light of our household. Cleaning and cooking were never favorite activities, but I never before had abhorred them so. If I could barely manage a household, how could I even consider running a business?
The idea of stopping my practice was met with such resistance and I refused to be a quitter. It wasn’t until a professional group meeting where I was internally seething toward the speaker that I knew it was time to pull the plug. I looked at my business like a lamp. Something I would unplug and put away in the closet. It wasn’t jiving with the current décor yet I wasn’t prepared to donate it away permanently. In the future I’ll bring it back out with fresh eyes and perhaps utilize its services once again. For five years, the purpose of my business has been to expand awareness for conscious and intentional relationships with self, others and earth. It is clear my self needs tending to.